I had a truly terrible experience
And what it taught me about leadership behaviors at work
My truly terrible healthcare experience
A few years ago when we were expecting our first child, I remember being so excited. At that time, my husband and I were living in Hyderabad, India.
I had to visit the lab to get an early pregnancy ultrasound done. The procedure was supposed to be invasive and uncomfortable. And I was nervous already.
And then I had ultrasound technician from hell who made it a hundred times worse.
“Zyada natak mat kar, itna time nahi hai” (Translation: Don’t be a drama queen, I don’t have time)
The ultrasound technician said rudely as she shoved the ultrasound wand inside me, not so gently.
Not only did she make my experience physically unpleasant but her derogatory manner of speaking made me flinch even harder. Her words (and how she made me feel) pinched me so much that I actually haven’t forgotten them, even after so many years.
A memory that could have been pleasant was turned sour.
This incident came rushing back to my mind recently when I gave birth to our second child.
As many of you know, we moved to Canada a few years ago and have slowly built a little life of our own here. When we found out we were expecting our second child, we were so excited.
But Canada still felt like a new country in some ways as we had never navigated the hospital system here before. So I was quite nervous too.
However my care experience was completely different this time.
During the pregnancy and delivery journey, I had the same ultrasounds and procedures - but something changed.
And the stark difference in my experience blew my mind.
This is absolutely not a rant about the differences in the quality of care between the two countries at all. Rather this essay is my reflection about what shaped the radical difference in my experiences.
Here’s what changed.
During my second pregnancy, each time the care providers (nurses or doctors or technicians) would do anything, they would take the time to explain what they would do.
Before touching me, they would give me a heads up “I am going to touch you now” (while putting in the IV in my arm) or “I would do X now and it might hurt a little” (while drawing blood for the lab tests). They asked “Is that okay with you?” and actually waited for my response.
Why did my experience feel different?
Both times, the procedures were the same.
Both times the physical discomfort was the same.
Both times I was almost equally nervous.
But what made it infinitely better in my second pregnancy was the behavior of the care providers who didn’t make me feel like cattle.
A few simple words, acknowledgement of my discomfort and their mannerisms helped me feel like I have agency and a voice.
They made me feel human.
And this is what it made me realize -
Our experience in any given moment can be made better or worse by the people who hold the power in that moment.
Based on how they behave, these ‘people with power’ can either make our experience something to cherish or something to detest.
And this is true in pretty much all aspects of our life. Whether we are at a hospital, at a restaurant, at a store buying something, or with family and friends.
People with power over us in that moment can shape how we experience it.
And this is true especially at our workplaces.
What shapes our experience at work?
Well, I have always been a workaholic (not always proud of it, and not always a good thing). I enjoy having a busy mind, bringing in my whole self to work and always putting in more than my 100%.
This has also meant that often in my career I have put in way beyond what was needed - both in terms of physical hours and/or mental energy. And I have observed that while in some cases I felt drained (and led to burnout), in some other cases I really felt invigorated.
Much like my healthcare experience, I was left wondering what made my workplace experiences feel different.
If I was putting in my best - physically and mentally - why was my personal experience not feeling the same across projects, teams or organizations? Why was I feeling more energized in some cases versus the others?
What really made it different?
It wasn’t about getting free snacks or coffee at work. Or having a game room for breaks or comfy bean bags to chill. It wasn’t about the company swag or even the annual bonus.
The answer is clear.
My workplace experience is dependent on the way I am treated by the ‘people with power’. In some cases this means the top leadership or sometimes the client. But more often than not, it means my workplace experience is dependent on my manager.
And it works downstream from me as well.
As a manager/leader, you and I also hold this ‘hypothetical power’ for our teams. And our own behaviors positively or negatively impact the experience of our team members.
Managers can make or break your workplace experience.
Good managers can make you feel valued and respected through their behaviour which often boils down to a combination of recognition, respect, and support.
Creating great experiences is easier than you think
Over the last 15+ years of my career, I have worked with truly awesome as well as truly terrible leaders. I have also made my own mistakes as a leader and learnt from them.
And one thing is definitely true.
Creating a great experience for the team is easier than you think.
Here are three of my hard earned lessons to make sure your team members feel valued and have a great experience at work.
Choose your words wisely. I have unfortunately been in rooms where junior team members have been screamed at by senior leadership. And also in rooms where they have been completely ignored or seen as ‘grunt work handlers’. It is very important for good leaders to use words wisely and make people feel empowered, not demeaned. While allocating tasks, highlight their superpowers and why they are fit for that work. Give them autonomy and don’t micromanage. Show them trust.
Recognize team members, the right way. Good leaders don’t just say ‘good job’ to their team members. The best kind of praise I have received is when my leaders have said things like ‘I really appreciated how you took the initiative on the X project and delivered ahead of schedule. That saved us a lot of time’. As a good leader make sure to make your recognition specific and timely. Also provide recognition through the right channels and publicly in front of the right people.
Listen actively, deeply and often. Team members often feel disconnected when they don’t feel heard, when 1:1s turn into project updates and when their ideas are not acknowledged. To create a great experience, give your team full attention during meetings and 1:1s - don’t be distracted or multitask. In meetings, listen to ideas, ask questions and give them thinking space- even though sometimes those ideas might not be implemented. Demonstrate active listening and treat your team with empathy.
As leaders, if we can just change these simple behaviors, I promise it will create an environment where teams feel respected, understood, empowered, and truly valued for their contributions.
You have the power to impact someone’s experience at work. Use it wisely.
After all, we don’t want our teams remembering us the same way I remember my ultrasound nurse right!
Announcement: I am excited to open up a few coaching slots in my calendar over the next few months. If you are looking to grow your career, switch jobs, get back to work, find work life balance or pursue a long held dream, let’s work towards it. DM me on Linkedin and let’s chat.
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